D-5: Preparations
This is an experiment. I’m getting a knee surgery in 5 days, on November 21. I’ll try to write every day to document how it’s going. You know… If… I have one more knee. That’s all I’m saying.
I am not scared or bothered at all. It is a third surgery on the same knee, I’ve had ligament problems for 15 years and THIS time, the doctors will fix it. I mean we will see when I wake up.
I am very much looking forward to it as my hopes are high. I have decided to blog about it, because it’s not all fun and fireworks.
Almost two years ago, I nearly died. I was running (literally) on this planet with severe thrombosis for (probably) a few months before I (that’s on me) and the doctors (that’s on them) figured out that something is wrong. Since then I am on blood thinners and other medication. But the damage of my veins is most likely permanent.
Did I say it was in the same leg? Yeah, my right leg is a clusterfuck of issues. The left one is not much better, but that’s for some other time. So I am getting an invasive surgery on the same leg that has limited blood flow. So there is some risk to it.
Today, I’ve spent a few hours rearranging the surroundings of my bed. All chargers are in place, the tray (it’s for food AND the computer) is stowed behind the night stand. I bought some (more than usual) groceries.
I decided not to move the playstation so I would have a motivation to get up and walk a few steps to the other room aside from going to the bathroom.
I did my final run. The indoor bike is here with me. Waiting.
I got scared a little bit too. The idea of being alone at home for (at least) a couple of weeks dawned on me. I remembered how there were years when I’ve spent my weekends voluntarily like this. Hidden from the outside world, just me and the laptop/playstation/books/TV. I was so scared of the world.
I remembered COVID and the panic attacks and severe loneliness I felt back then, because I couldn’t go outside. That sucked ass.
Now I’m not scared of the world anymore, but I currently don’t have any energy to face it. I need a ton of sleep and calm. I am tired so much. I am looking forward to the post surgery rest. I am not looking forward to the pain.
But I am not alone, I have so many friends that will come visit or at least call. And I will finally get to watch The Sopranos!