D+11: Too Much?
Stitches are out! Only one of them was not ideal so I got an additional sticker to hold it firm together for a few more days. Two of the scars are completely uncovered as of an hour ago. It will be a magnificent sight.
It was a half-day trip to the doctor and it was a joyful ride on a tram there and back. Except for the car accident that happened in front of us. The car got hit by a tram from the side, I hope everyone is OK.
I had a blast observing people, just being out, no pressure, no stakes.
I finished the Narcissism: Escaping from the Inner Prison and when I was checking out other publications by the author, I discovered Borderline personality disorder (BPD). While reading on Narcissism, I was like this:
One paragraph I’m like “That’s me!” and the next is “I’m not doing that!” and the next is “Geez, how am I supposed to do this?”
When I started to read on BPD I was like “That’s me!”. And “Geez, how am I supposed to do this?”. Because I am doing what the internet says BPD people do. I might have BPD.
I need to let that sink in for a little bit. Maybe two bits. Maybe for a few days.
Parts of the internet are saying “it’s an ilness, it has treatment, it’s OK”. Parts of the internet are saying “The only treatment is therapy. Maybe”. Parts of the internet are saying “Dump that person, it’s impossible to maintain a relationship with them”.
In any case, I need to read and research more on this. And seek some professionals when I can walk again. Because if this were true, it changes everything. The void, the infinite void that I see would suddenly have boundaries. That would mean that wherever I go, there is a wall that I can bounce off of.
Wow. I’m shaken. Genuinely shaken. Because it would explain so much. It would be another piece of the Me puzzle.
It doesn’t really change anything on the journey of finding and looking for love everywhere and in everyone. But the more I understand myself, the better I can be towards other people. I’m sorry for all the damage I have done.
Girl, Interrupted - This is very sad and very deep coming of age movie. The main character is diagnosed with BPD. Future all-stars cast.
Welcome to Me - This is genuine fun. Very quirky, very weird, but fun. Jennifer Jason Leigh is absolutely amazing.
History of the World: Part II - This is a little flat. Bizarre in the good sense of bizarre.