Emotional & Rational
We are going through life doing things. Taking actions, making decisions. Every single moment, we choose one path and not the other. How do we do it?
Well, subconsciously, most of the time. Instincts, prior experience, well-known brain paths. But then… Then comes a time where you have time and energy to make a decision. How am I going to navigate this situation?
And that is when it becomes interesting. What do you choose? Based on what?
I recently had a conversation at work about getting people to take action. My conversation partner shared with me that he had to reframe a problem from “this doesn’t make sense” to “this makes me feel bad” and only after that he got some attention.
Which was a very interesting observation. It also triggered me a little bit. And it led me to postulate the distinction that is in the title of this blogpost.
Some people choose to take action based on emotions. And some people take action based on rationality.
And I believe rationality brings better results than emotionality. It’s obviously a combination of both when it comes to a fullfilling life, but living predominantly in the emotional world will also lead you to a world of constant pain.
Why? Let’s role play.
(names and gender don’t mean anything here)
We have Jim and Ashley. Jim feels hurt by Bob from work. Bob is Jim’s manager and he gets home and needs to vent.
Jim: Oh god, that asshole. I am done with him. I am going to quit tomorrow.
Ashley: What happened?
Jim: Bob assigned the shiny new project to someone else. I am so pissed off. He doesn’t see how much I am contributing. I will be better off elsewhere.
Ashley: You’ve been there for 10 years. You got 5 promotions from Bob. I think you’re overreacting and I think quitting would be a stupid move.
Jim: No, I made my mind. I am quitting.
And the next day Jim rationally knows it’s a stupid move. But he quits. To prove his emotions are valid and nobody will stomp on them. And then he yells at Ashley for not stopping him.
He threw his emotional identity into the decision making and he can’t back out now. He would invalidate his identity if he changed his mind.
Was it the best decision? Absolutely not. He should’ve talked it out with Bob.
Does it feel to Jim that he’s right and he has shown it to the man? Absolutely. Is it a wise decision? Absolutely not. Does Jim rationally know that it was a stupid decision? Absolutely. That’s why he yells at Ashley. So he doesn’t need to sit with his own mistake.
Because he’s unable to process his emotions and think clearly and make a rational decision. Because he made an emotional decision - he quit his job and created an argument with Ashley. Does not feel like the best possible outcome.
Making rational decisions allows you to detach from the outcome and it allows you to not feel offended if it doesn’t go through. If Jim wasn’t so proud of his past successes, he wouldn’t get so emotional about Bob assigning the project to someone else.
He might have been curious about the why, learn something, use the situation to emphasize his motivation to Bob. Instead, he freaked out. Good for his emotions, bad for his future and his relationship with Ashley.
Emotions are valid, but they do not determine who we are. And they for sure should not drive the decisions that impact our future. Or future of others.
I sometimes say “I did that because it felt right” or “it seemed like a good idea”. Those are not emotions driving those. Those are prior experiences talking, those are observed patterns talking.
Maybe I am a cold-blooded emotionless bastard. I know I am not. I just choose to not make decisions based on emotions. Those rarely lead to good, long-lasting results for everyone involved.