Lonely as Fuck
This is not about today. It’s not about yesterday either. This is about some days in the past few years. Well, to be honest… a very big amount of days.
You feel good. You had a good day at work. You helped someone. You finished something. Somebody said “Well done, good job” to you. You made some plans for the weekend. A pretty girl on the tram smiled at you. It’s sunny, you walk home. And then… Poof.
You close the door of your apartment. And it hits you. It’s empty. Not the apartment. Your life is empty. There is absolutely nothing. You eat dinner. You have no taste. You turn on the TV. Nothing grabs your attention. You desperately want to be seen and heard by someone. You want to scream. But there is nobody to hear you. It’s empty.
Your soul is empty. Somehow it got completely drained. All you can do is wait in agony until it gets dark and cry yourself to sleep. Except you can’t sleep. Or cry for that matter.
You feel like nobody cares. You replay all the lies people told you, all the moments you felt betrayed or abandoned, all of your mistakes you can remember. And then it hits you - nobody cares.
Exactly. You are all alone.
Except it’s all bullshit. You are never alone.
How did you get here though?
You pushed people away, because you didn’t know how to accept them.
You downplayed all compliments and congratulations, so people stopped saying them to you.
You prioritized work over friends so you stopped showing up.
You prioritized helping others over your own comfort, so when you actually showed up, you were just a tired asshole instead of a listening friend.
You acted like an arrogant dick at times because you didn’t know how to handle success.
You were a yay-sayer without an own opinion so people ran all over you and you didn’t want to hang out with them again.
And a billion other things that are very much insignificant in the long run.
It is true that nobody cares. Nobody cares about the bad stuff. A sincere apology makes wonders.
It is not true that nobody cares about you. Decent people care about you. Decent people will show up when you ask for help. Decent people are full of love.
We are never alone and there is a decent person inside all of us. You are a good person. You are worth it. You can dare to want to be close with someone. You can dare to share your inner self.
You don’t need to be lonely as fuck. The world is a very friendly place full of people full of love.
Some people are lying shitheads, but hey - they probably have a reason and maybe they are aching to be asked about it. Maybe they are just having a bad day. And maybe they were never allowed to have a bad day. That must be lonely.
So pick up the damn phone and reach out to someone. You won’t seem needy, a simple “how are you?” will brighten up someone’s day. Maybe they are feeling lonely as fuck right now.