Passage of Time

Time is seriously weird. Like seriously.

I’m spending a few days home completely alone now. As a choice. Because I am ill and I want to think. The time passes differently when there is no deadline, no meeting, no nothing. The only anchorpoint in my day is 9AM and 9PM when I need to take my meds. And man… it’s wild.

Sometimes 30 minutes goes by like a whim. Sometimes it feels like three centuries.

When I was younger, I was spending days and weeks alone and never noticed these differences. It was always somehow going steadily forward. As I grow older, I notice that I am doing a lot of waiting.

I wait until I feel well. I wait until my show comes up on the TV schedule. I wait for someone to respond. I wait for someone to text first. I wait until it’s my turn. I wait until… something happens.

There is a movie about this. It’s called Waiting….

And parts of life should I guess feel like waiting. It’s OK. It’s OK to be bored. It’s OK to not feel unstoppable and invincible. It’s OK to just be. And wait what life brings. And takes.

It’s very liberating. Your brain just roams around, sometimes up, sometimes down, sometimes sideways. That’s how most of these posts are created. The brain just roams somewhere and I spot an enteraining connection.

Or I just want to escape from what is there.. just one more thought away. It’s scary. And dark. Maybe I just don’t know what it is or how to call it. Yet. It can wait.

It’s not going to disappear, it’s going to come back. But maybe I can enjoy one or two blissful moments without any kind of pressure.

It’s not going anywhere. I will become healthy again. The TV shows are now online. If people want, they will respond or text. My turn is in a few seconds. And things happen all the time.

I’m still here. The world is still here.

Tick. Tock.

I’m still here. The world is still here.

Tick. Tock.