T-12: Getting Nervous
Calm day today. Nothing blew up, the interview in the morning went well. I transferred some knowledge to some people, wrote down what needs to be done, what can come up when I’m gone. No loose ends I think. The work computer and phone are turned off. Finally.
I got a lot of support and good luck wishes, sometimes from very unexpected people. Somebody tried to get to know me a little bit in a meeting. That was highly unusual and very pleasant. It feels good to feel seen, heard and supported. It feels good that people are not just using me. I almost cried once.
I’ve realized that when my working day is not packed with meetings, I can smile at random people. Because I have the energy to observe the world around me. I liked that a lot. I still couldn’t hold an unexpected hallway conversation for too long as I kept saying to myself in the background “you still need to do A, B and C and then you’re done”, but that’s just practice I hope.
I applied the last syringe, did a round of laundry. And now… Now I wait. I need to show up at the clinic in 12 hours.
I am actually getting nervous a little bit. I’m not scared, I see this as a routine and purely mechanical operation, but waiting for this thing while being physically alone... It can get to you fairly quickly and from unexpected directions.
I am looking forward to wake up!!!