Why do I do this?
This is a very dreadful question. Existential even. Why do I do anything?
Here are some good reasons:
Because I want to. Because it seems like a good idea.
Because it makes me feel good. Because I enjoy it.
Because I see it as an investment - it makes me feel bad in the short run, but really good in the long run.
Here are some stupid reasons:
Because I am supposed to. Because I am expected to.
Because it will make someone happy. That someone is not me.
Do whatever you feel is the right thing to do.
Deal with the consequences.
Apologize if you screw up. Accept that you are not perfect.
Accept that even if you do your best, it is not enough at times. Especially when other people are involved.
You don’t need to be a selfish dickhead, there is room in the world for altruism. But you can’t get too extreme with that. You have needs, you have feelings, you have issues. Everybody has these.
Living in an extreme is exhausting. It helps to explore how far you can get, but you can’t live like that for long.
Why do I do this?
Because I am finding my inner balance.
I don’t think I will ever find it, but I am trying.